Enough

I wish it were as easy as saying "I forgive you" or "I'm over it" or even "Let's just forget about it". But I am not prepared to do anything that I don't genuinely feel is right in my heart. After putting so much effort and sensitivity and patience and love and time and tears and worry and respect and, most precious of all; my being, into something that turns around and slaps you in your face, it's extremely hard to turn the other cheek and continue on; but I did it. I wasn't willing to let go of something so special to me at that time; it wasn't worth the heartache. But when that second cheek got slapped....mmm...that's the time to walk away; and I did that gracefully. Regret is a funny thing though. It sneaks up on you and extends it's hand inside your head, your thoughts, your dreams, robbing you of sleep and replacing it with anxiety. The little voice telling you "You were wrong."and making you second guess your judgment. It's something I wrestle with daily but I know it wont last forever. I know that one day (hopefully soon) I will come to a peace about the decisions that I made (make). It is truly not my intention to push people away but if you are poisonous to my air, if you are an obstacle in my path, then I have to let you go. People see that creed as heartless, and cruel but they are the ones who will spend their lives strangled and smothered by polluted relationships. I guess it makes me "weird" to want to have people in my life that contribute something, that serve a purpose. There aren't many that I know I can count on but why do I need "many"? The fact of the matter is that not everyone is my cup of tea but when you are, you are. Am I being unclear? Because I think there are people that can relate to this. Don't get me wrong, I don't always make the right decision. I am not saying that I am always right (despite the popular opinion). What I am saying is that I commit to my decisions. I couldn't live my life any other way. Fight on everyone.

Didnt Cha Know- Erykah Badu

"Ooh. Hey. I'm trying to decide what way to go (I think I made a wrong turn back there somewhere). Tried to run but I lost my way. Then stopped to watch my emotions sway. Knew the toll but I would not pay 'cause you never know how the cards may play. Time to save the world. Where in the world is all the time? So many things I still don't know. So many times I've changed my mind. Yes, I was born to make mistakes but I'm not scared to take the weight. So many stumble on the path but I know my heart will guide me back."

I think that says it all...for now.